last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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