Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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