Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He did a backflip because drugs
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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