I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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