i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
