then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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