That's when you crack a 10am beer
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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