her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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