If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
