so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
