I am midnight drunk by noon
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
