my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
