we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Randomize
