It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
