My brain says no but my pants say off.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
