My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I touched a dick in church today
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
