check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
