I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
