She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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