he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
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