She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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