Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
don't judge my taste in strippers
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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