Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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