i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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