Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
