You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i drank out of a bidet.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
