just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
