Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
