i think my tv is drunk
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
