Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
