we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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