I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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