i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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