I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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