i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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