from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
