I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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