i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Are we still banned from the library?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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