Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
