oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Randomize
