There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
