A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
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Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
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The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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