i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
