dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
