I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
