i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
