youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
