He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
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the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
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I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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