ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis