Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.

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(214): View more from Texas

Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure

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(561): View more from Florida

He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.

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(678): View more from Georgia

we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.

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If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Read it at the TFLN blog
(780): View more from Alberta, CA

We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.

(1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.

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(301): View more from Maryland

Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?

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(714): View more from California

I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!

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(601): View more from Mississippi

He? As in you personified your dick?

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