he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
