she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
