My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
