Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said