It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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