I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.