I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
