Will you blow on my dice?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
