brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
