well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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