Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
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Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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