im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
