well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
