We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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