in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
