So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
