Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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