listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
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You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
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I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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