...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
