mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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