Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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