Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i walk over a car last night?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize