Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
