He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
