Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
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Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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