I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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