True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
