i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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