Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
