ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
