then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
