I like my sex mixed with concussions.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
