I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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