You smell like stripper and shame
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
