my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
