All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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