Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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