i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
