you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
